Identify and End Toxic Communication
Toxic communication happens when we go on the verbal attack. Speaking to someone in a way that conveys a condescending, accusatory, condemning attitude falls into this category. Insensitive put-downs, attaching negative verbal labels to a person also fits into this category.
How you speak to others is a reflection of how you relate with yourself. If you verbally assault others you do that to yourself. You live in the pain of self-loathing.
How you relate to yourself draws to you, and keeps
you with, people who treat you similarly.
We get locked into toxic communication when we justify it, for whatever reason. When you are being verbally attacked, your attacker feels entirely justified in doing so. But you are not responsible for how others speak to you. The mean manner of speech they engage in is their responsibility and it is not your fault.
Similarly, when someone verbally assaults you, how you respond demonstrates the quality of your communication.
Toxic communicators create toxic communicators! Each time that you verbally attack another, even in response to the verbal attack that he launched at you, your poison-speech keeps you in the cycle of being in relationships with others who verbally assault you.
We engage in toxic communication as a
misguided way of protecting ourselves.
Someone says or does something and we feel upset by it. In our mind flashes an image of ourselves as a weak wimp without guts if we let that person do that. (In other words, without realizing it, we begin taking responsibility for that other person’s behavior.) Then, to combat our mental image of ourselves we verbally lash out at that person. Do you see how unjust this is?
We are seeking freedom our own negative idea of ourselves when we lash out!
We give ourselves the idea of being a wimp. That “wimpy idea” is what we are afraid of. To avoid becoming that idea we then attempt to out-bully the other person.
But all we need to do is to drop that weak self-image, to not identify with it, to see it as just a thought of ourselves that we don’t need.
We would then be withdrawing our identification with that idea of ourselves and see, feel and have absolutely no reason, need or desire to lash out at the other person to prove that we are not who our idea portrayed us as being. We then lose the need to prove ourselves and free ourselves to just be ourselves without any self-abusive idea of ourselves.
When we engage in toxic communication we are clobbering someone verbally to escape our belief in our inferiority. We are taking out our fear of that belief on another person. We are abusing that person to escape our idea of being insignificant.We are unfarily making that person pay for the negative self-image we give ourselves.
The moment that we justify our spit of verbal venom we just reinforce our pattern of feeling the enslaved by the fear that makes us do so. This means that the next time that we feel displeased we will get up on our high horse and launch another snide word-grenade.
Using The Method is a quick and effective way to recognize and release from the self-abusive inner patterns that drive us into verbally attacking others and cause us to find ourselves in relationships with people who relate disrespectfully, condescendingly, or harshly critically toward us.