Overcome The Fear Of Being Irrelevant
I don’t think any emotional experience is as crushing as what happens when we buy into the fear of being irrelevant. This is traumatic, plain and simple.
Feeling irrelevant is not merely a symptom of the syndrome of the Middle Child. It is the product of feeling immaterial as a very young child. It happens whenever you feel devalued at work, in your personal relationships; but it is produced by your own mental story about the irrelevance of your existence.
The cure for feeling irrelevant has nothing to do with affirming positive statements about yourself. It begins as you develop the power to stop making mental statements about yourself.
Irrelevance is a concept.
Irrelevance is a concept. It is a mental construct. You can convince yourself of its truth by thinking about reasons to feel irrelevant. But this just bolsters the devastating feeling. It doesn’t matter if you get passed over at work for a promotion, rejected by someone you thought had adored you, left off of an invitation list, or have received not a single personal phone call from anyone in weeks or even months. It doesn’t matter if your kids seem to treat you as if you don’t matter. It doesn’t matter if you appear to be invisible in the eyes of passers by on the street. Your feeling of irrelevance is the product of mental and emotional conditioning, conditioning that you can recover from.
If you experienced strong feelings of being irrelevant in early childhood when your parents neglected your emotional needs, and then later you found the neighborhood kids reinforcing it as they overlooked you when choosing up sides, you carry those feelings within you. It doesn’t take much to aggravate them into a state of emotional frenzy that you cannot ignore or pretend away. If you desperately seek to please people, pursue their approval, try to manipulate them into falling in love with you, it is probably because you are trying to escape or compensate for your core feeling of being irrelevant.
Two Levels Of Work
There are two levels of work that empower us to overcome the fear of being irrelevant. They involve awakening self-awareness into being more conscious of what is happening withinyou on the emotional and mental levels.
By observing the feeling of irrelevance you gradually become aware that it is just a feeling. It is not absolute truth. It is an internal emotional state. By observing your thoughts you come to realize that the thoughts that stimulate and reinforce your feeling of irrelevance are just that: thoughts. They are mere opinions, speculations, presumptions.
As you practice observing your feelings and thoughts you gradually dis-identify from them. You become aware of yourself as the center of inner peace that is observing these emotional and mental conditions. They are happening to you, but they are not you.
When you follow this with deliberately directing unconditional feelings of love toward yourself, and practice feeling that you are sacred, holy and precious – without trying to foster these feelings with thoughts – you gain freedom from the devastating fear of being irrelevant. You don’t need to tell yourself stories about how important you are. To do that would set you up for disillusionment when your external circumstances do not support that idea, which inevitably occurs.
The objective is to transcend identification with mental and emotional states, to rest in the unconditional joy, love and inner peace of non-reactive being. Then, your life is not about boosting your ego. It is about finding a deeper level of lasting fulfillment than superficial and transitory ego-gratification can provide.
In my phone-coaching I support individuals in making the transition from identification with traumatic emotional patterns into living from their true being, free of mental and emotional hindrances to their happiness and life-meaning.
If you ever feel plagued by the pain of feeling irrelevant, you are at the brink of recovery, if you know what to do next. It’s time for you to soar.
Contact me to set up a complimentary introductory phone session to discuss how I might be of assistance.